Are you worried about what your children are taught at school? Here are some advice and hope for those who want to keep their children as Muslims.
By Ibrahim Hindy (Religious director at Yaqeen Institute)
I've spoken to a number of people since my last posts on schooling. A great number of Imams and public school teachers have reached out to emphatically validate my conclusions. I think we see things on the ground that parents often cannot see.
But I've also spoken to parents, some of whom felt disheartened. In one parent's words: "Even if I agree that (homeschooling/Islamic schools) lead to better outcomes in general...how are most parents who legitimately can't access these options supposed to feel other than guilty and afraid?" It's a fair point.
I do stand by what I said. It would be a dereliction of duty for me to see trends play out so clearly over the past decade and keep my mouth shut just to not ruffle feathers. I hope that I at least sparked a serious internal review for parents who *can* make use of those options to look at them more closely.
What can parents who have no real choice but public schools do for their kids? I thought about some amazing kids I've seen in the community who go to public schools and what was common about their upbringing:
1 - They take their kids to the masjid often.
I can think of a few vivid examples of just incredible kids and a common theme is that their parents bring them to the masjid nearly every day. One father prays 1-3 times in the masjid and brings his kids practically once a day with him. I think the masjid provides an Islamic environment and they eventually get to meet other kids who likely are being raised similarly.
But I think in general we underestimate the capability of the masjid. Even if nothing is happening and the masjid is empty, there is power in being in the masjid. There is tremendous reward in waiting from prayer to prayer. There is, I think, a boost to mental health just sitting in an empty masjid...even for a child.
2 - Their parents are their best friends.
Not in a creepy, overbearing way. These kids also have close friends that are kids but you can tell that they are very close to their parents. They have developed a close relationship where they can communicate and tell their parents their entire day and not feel afraid that their parent will unleash wrath on them for doing so. This takes time to develop no doubt, but it is a common theme in these kids.
3 - Strong peer connections outside of school
These parents find families with similar aged kids, who are raising their children the same way, and spend time together. The earlier you can establish this, the better. These kids have a peer group who are being raised with similar values and ideals, which makes it much easier for the parent down the line.
These parents can align on how they want to manage raising their kids in a lot of ways. Your kid begs you for a cell-phone because someone at school has one? "You can get one when (friend in the peer circle) gets one" (but you already agreed with their parents that they ain't getting one for a while). It's like building a village to raise a child.
4 - They are serious about Islamic education
They make use of community programs like youth halaqahs, weekend schools, etc. But they go beyond this too. And this means that the parent themselves has to be engaged in learning about Islam, for themselves. The vessel can only pour forth what it contains.
Even if they attend some of these programs, your kids need Islamic education reinforced at home (this is true for Islamic schools too). You need to be educated enough to teach them their religion, give them resources to learn and have conversations about 'why' too. Why believe in God, why follow Islam, etc.
5 - You have to own the conversation on difficult topics
Kids in public schools, and Islamic schools, get exposed to difficult topics like homosexuality, sex, masturbation, drugs, gender identity. In the public system they are exposed early, often, and far outside an Islamic framing.
That means that especially if your kids are in public school, then you need to talk to your kids about these topics much earlier than you would prefer. You need to 'own' this conversation - talk to them about it, openly and sincerely, and allowing for two-way communication. Your kids need to feel safe and comfortable talking to you about these topics.
You need to not only frame it within Islamic ethics, but you need to help them think through and manage situations at school where they may find it difficult to navigate as Muslim kids. Role-play situations that might happen in the classroom to help them build their confidence in social situations.
I hope parents find this beneficial. All we can do is try our absolute hardest and best for our kids and recognize that ultimate guidance is in the hands of Allah.
May Allah guide us all and our children to His Straight Path - Ameen.
